


Tesoro, Where Is the Good Knife?

by drippinlou



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010), NCIS
Genre: Competent Anthony DiNozzo, Crossover Pairings, Fluff, M/M, Relationship Reveal, Some Italian, Team Bonding, Team as Family, Tony just needed some friends, the OC's are nice don't worry!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:08:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26124739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drippinlou/pseuds/drippinlou
Summary: "So," Chin asked. "Since when?"Steve sighed, "I really don't want to break Danny." He side-eyed his friend, who had stolen his spoon back and had started to mumble to it.Kono mustered the detective for a moment before shrugging, "I think you've done that already. There's no going back now."
Relationships: Anthony DiNozzo/Steve McGarrett, Chin Ho Kelly/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 63
Kudos: 677





	Tesoro, Where Is the Good Knife?

**Author's Note:**

> Tony may have ended up being a bit more Italian in this piece than the writers initially intended, but I'm not going to apologize for that. You aren't supposed to understand the Italian tidbits in this (because the team can't understand them either!), but I'm well aware of how... challenging it is to not google the meaning, so I decided to include them in the end card!
> 
> For those of you who may not know: Lou joined the Five-O team at the end of season 4. He's originally from Chicago and just as confused as the rest of us when it comes to one Steve McGarrett. Enjoy!

  
It was the first time since Lou had become a member of the Five-O task force that they were going to have a team dinner. He had been a bit surprised upon getting an address for a little Italian place, having expected a backyard barbecue or something along those lines, but he wasn't about to complain.

Especially because McGarrett was going to pay, and though Lou would typically make a fuss about that, he had seen McGarrett's house and cars. The guy definitely had enough money, so that spending some on his team shouldn't hurt his wallet too much, for all they had to put up with him every day.   
  
At least, Lou had to put up with the SEAL every day, if not physically, then mentally. It usually leads to him contemplating how wise his decision to follow some madman with a death wish through the woods of Hawaii had been.

  
The rather startling conclusion he tended to come to was that it hadn't been wise at all.

Upon arriving at the restaurant, he heard Williams complain about pineapples. If that wasn't the most on-brand thing ever, Lou didn't know what was. He greeted their little group and promptly refused to comment on the whole pineapple on pizza debate. He had his pride.

"Danny, this is real Italian. They don't even have pineapple pizza on their menu. Why are you complaining again?" McGarrett said in lieu of a greeting, having actually arrived a minute after Lou, and he and Williams promptly started bickering.

  
Kono and Chin, clearly used to their behavior, started to give Lou recommendations on what he should eat, which Lou was honestly grateful for. Else he would've taken the whole damn menu.  
Just straight up all of it, and if he later had to explain to his wife Renee why he had fallen into a food coma, he was sure she would've understood. Italian food just did that to him and this seemed to be authentic. 

  
They started a conversation about how this was the best Italian on the island, with Lou talking a bit about his favorite restaurant back in Chicago until the bickering champions joined their conversation. McGarrett inquired something about Chin's motorcycle, which made the man smile wide.

  
"Yeah, the bike's fine again. Thanks to Kalala though, she's amazing. Thanks again for introducing us."

  
Lou raised an eyebrow at his rather happy tone. He rarely ever smiled like that either. Kono saw his expression and grinned, "The boss is actually an excellent matchmaker." She stage-whispered, like it was a big secret, "For everyone but himself, of course."

  
Lou blinked at that, but thinking about it, he had never actually seen McGarrett with a woman. He had just assumed the guy kept his flings or whatever away from the job, for it was rather dangerous and the responsible thing to do.

He was way too good looking (Samantha had pointed it out a few months ago and Lou grudgingly had to agree. The bastard was rather easy on the eye), so he was sure that McGarrett would have no problems getting dates and stuff like that.

  
"I always thought he was dating Catherine, actually. But I asked her and apparently he's never shown any interest." Kono looked like she was about to pull out an info graph on the whole topic, but her eyes turned wide when McGarrett interrupted her.

  
"Could you stop talking about me like I'm not here, rookie? And the whole stalking thing is weird as hell." He looked a bit put out with the whole thing, though he was smiling into his hand.

  
Kono just shrugged, "Just observing, boss." The woman couldn't help but shut her mouth after being given the death stare by her boss though. Chin looked somewhat bemused by the whole thing. 

They were all saved from the awkward conversation when a small older lady called out to McGarrett and fiercely hugged him, "E' così bello vederti, Steven!" The woman started besotting him with kisses, which McGarrett took surprisingly well. He only gently started to shove her away after a few seconds. 

  
"Anche per me è un piacere vederti. Come sta la famiglia?" Said McGarrett in Italian, which Lou hadn't expected at all. The woman made a grand gesture. Lou figured she was Italian, not to be stereotypical, but well. 

  
"Ci conosci, stiamo sempre bene." She turned around to her staff and barked out some orders, Steve also magically got a beer. The older woman, who was definitely the owner of the restaurant, turned back to the conversation. (The conversation Lou couldn't understand. And wasn't that annoying.) "Ciò che è piu importante, come và tra te e Tony? E' riuscito a fare le lasagne?" 

  
This was too much Italian for his taste, and looking at the others, they also seemed to have no clue. Steve and the woman continued to converse in Italian and Williams looked like he was about to hit McGarrett over the head. This was becoming more perplexing by the second.  
Steve didn't care about Williams's murderous face in the least and smiled, "Sì, Tony ha fatto un buon lavoro con le lasagne. O comunque, così penso io."

  
The woman laughed, "Tu mageresti qualsiasi cosa, caro. Non prova che sia buon cibo." She laughed again and kissed his cheek before leaving for the kitchen. 

  
Steve shook his head and sat back down from where he had previously gotten up to greet the woman. "Well, now I just feel insulted," he muttered.

Williams looked put out, "You speak Italian? Of all things? Is this why we got a table? We've been here a few times, you've never said anything."

  
Steve waved it away, "She's an old acquaintance. Let's eat." And that's how that conversation ended.

  
Lou just shook his head. There was so much to this guy, it was unbelievable. He would also definitely remember that little dating fact.

\---

It was a few weeks later when the topic of McGarrett's matchmaking came up again. Apparently, Chin and that Kalala woman were dating now, so she had been invited to their almost weekly shrimp date at Kamekona's Shrimp Truck.

  
She was a beautiful woman, a native of the island, though she had died her hair blonde. She was tall and fit, clearly working out a lot. Kalala was essentially what he imagined Kono would be in a few years with a bit more experience or at least aspire to be. Hell, he sometimes wanted to be a strong, confident Hawaiian woman. They were amazing. Her hand, though, when he shook it, was very delicate, even if he could feel some callouses.

  
She introduced herself to everyone but McGarrett, who took offense to that, "Everyone gets a nice handshake but me?" 

  
Groans were heard around the table, but Kalala just smiled, "I once saw you flip Akoni's body in a 180 degree kinda way straight onto the gym mat. All because you wanted to demonstrate to him how dangerous giving hands can be. He weighs way more than you and his frame is bulkier than yours. I don't trust you nor your hands."

McGarrett started laughing, "You did trust me on my judgment regarding Chin, though."

"You told me you had a friend who couldn't figure his bike out and that I should really do something about it!" 

Williams completely ignored that comment, "Can we go back to the fact that he flipped a man over for trying to introduce himself?" He looked at Steve, with that typical look of contemplating just how mental his friend really was. 

  
For Lou, that jury was still out. 

Kalala smiled and Chin put an arm around her shoulders. They seemed cute together. "Honestly, ever since we got our new boss a few months ago, the kind of people that have started walking into our office... it's incredible, really." 

  
Kono seemed puzzled, "What do you mean? Aren't you a Criminal Investigative Service? And for the Navy of all things? Weird people tend to walk in there, right?" She was eating her Corn-Battered Shrimp on a Stick, unbothered by the looks she was getting, half of them for the statement and the other half because the stick thing was grotesque. No one with a sound mind would actually order it.

McGarrett snorted, "Whatever do you mean, rookie?" 

Kalala laughed and gave her a high five. The two Hawaiian women seemed to get along just right, which probably scared and satisfied Chin in equal measures. "She's right, actually. Stuff like flipping people over for shaking a hand wrong and talking incredibly cryptic about stuff or just switching to another language completely, and don't get me started on gun talk, yeah, that has gotten a lot less weird in the last few months." 

She sighed, probably thinking about the good old days, "Basically, what I'm trying to say is that SEALs are the weirdest creatures on earth."

  
The SEAL present snorted again, "You're exaggerating." He bit into another shrimp, which made Lou remember that he still had some of his own. 

Before coming to Hawaii he hadn't known much about the Navy beyond the basics. They had been present in Chicago, but he never had to deal with them while being a cop over there.   
  
Since coming to the island, he had done some research, and the things the SEALs division did was still beyond him. With the stuff he had seen McGarrett do, you would think they were training stubborn superhumans who don't like basic rules of social interaction or decency, but maybe that was just McGarrett. 

"Don't think she is," Williams said, looking directly at Kalala. "I really like you. Finally, someone who understands what dealing with some crazy SEAL is like." It looked like he was about to get into yet another bickering contest with the aforementioned SEAL-Boss when Steve got a phone call and quickly left the table. That action led to Kono groaning and eating her weird Corn thing faster, in case they needed to jump in approximately one minute.

  
Kalala answered regardless, "My boss is not a SEAL actually. He's just some kind of honorary member. He's the Special Agent in Charge of NCIS at Pearl Harbour, but his file tries to convince people he went some traditional route to get there."   
She took a quick sip from her iced drink before continuing, "Between you and me, though, I'm sure the guy has some hidden file lying around somewhere, probably just as blackened out as your boss's hidden file." 

  
She looked at McGarrett, who had taken the phone call some distance away so that they couldn't hear what he was saying. It was most likely case related, so there really was no reason for them to not listen in, but that was just a thing McGarrett liked to do.

  
Lou raised a brow when he actually comprehended what Kalala had just said. "People have hidden files?" There has already been stuff blackened out in McGarrett's regular file. There couldn't possibly be some other file stacked away somewhere. The others around the table seemed curious as well. 

"You're all cops, huh? Ever notice that fundamental difference between you and agents and those special military forces?"  
Everyone shook their heads. Steve was heading back to their table, meaning that they probably had to get to the case again, equipped with new information. 

Kalala smiled, "They reek in secrets."

\---

It had been a few weeks since Kalala had been introduced to their almost weekly shrimp date. They had a day off today, so the others (and Kalala, but definitely not Williams) went on some complicated hiking trail. Lou had cited husbandly duties as a reason not to attend. 

In reality, he was lying on the beach, watching Samantha and Will play, even though Sam couldn't look more annoyed if she tried. Whatever, Lou had a day off, and his teenage daughter would manage. Renee had some spa engagement to attend to, and so his husbandly duties of the day were watching their children, and getting some sun in at the same time. It could be worse, like going hiking with fit barely thirty-year-olds, for example.

  
Until, of course, some teenage guy Samantha's age came over and kneeled next to Will. Lou was about to get up and tell the boy to make himself scarce when he noticed that the guy was pointing out flaws in Will's sandcastle. Which, well, in less than a minute the abomination of a sandcastle started looking like an actual sandcastle. Incredible. 

If the boy was trying to flirt with his daughter, this would be one of the only acceptable ways to go. He relaxed again, thinking about why his children, Chicago born and raised, and not five anymore, had been trying to build a sandcastle in the first place. He wasn't able to come up with some reasonable explanation, it really was beyond him. 

It was in that moment that another guy came over, a man this time, with an Afro that would've made Lou reminisce about his own hair back in the day if he hadn't tensed up then. Maybe they tried to kidnap his children and the sandcastle was just some cover-up. 

He was about to confront the two guys when the older man laughed and ruffled the boy's head, then asked Samantha something to which she pointed at her father. The guy got up and came over. What was going on?

"Hey, sorry, man, my son's obsessed with the finer points of sandcastle architecture. I think your kids will be occupied for the next few hours at least." he laughed, and Lou realized that he was probably way too paranoid. They weren't trying to kidnap his kids, just teaching the mainlanders about the island's finer points. Lou couldn't help but notice the slight accent that pointed to the north side of Chicago, though.

  
"You from Chicago, by any chance, man?" The guy laughed again and opened up a beer, introducing himself as Chance Boyd, originally from Chicago, even if he had lived here for the past six years. His son wants to be an architect, thus the sandcastle knowledge. 

  
"I should be glad, honestly. Don't really want him to do what I'm doing. Even though my other son wants to go into the army, so that's a lost cause anyway."

  
Lou could sympathize. To god, he hoped his kids would end up with some secure desk jobs somewhere, not chasing serial killers while following the orders of someone only half sane, who used to be in the army at that. "What do you do?"

  
"Oh, right," Chance looked at his son and shook his head upon seeing that the kids were about to build the third tower into their sandcastle (it looked like it was about to become a fortress, scarily enough). "I'm a Special Agent, Naval Criminal Investigative Service, NCIS for short."

Lou was surprised, "I know what it stands for, actually. Lou Grover, Hawaii Five-O, pleased to meet you." Chance laughed once more. His laugh was pretty contagious, so Lou started laughing too, and they spend the next half an hour swapping stories, noticing a lot of parallels from their time back in Chicago, even a mutual friend. 

Chance seemed intrigued when Lou mentioned Chin's girlfriend Kalala and it turned out that the two were actually on the same team. It really was a small island, after all.

  
Even though Chance was a bit younger than Lou, he felt like they clicked instantly. It was good to know that someone from Chicago had made it on the island, having a circle of friends and even finding a second wife, Maila, after the first one decided to cheat big scale, so big that Chance, as a man, ended up getting custody of his two boys. He gave Lou a lot of tips concerning what to do on the island, as well as some steak house recommendations.

"One of those recommendations comes straight from Commander McGarrett, actually. He and my boss had fucked up on some super-secret mission and brought the Secretary of the Navy there to soothe things over, and it actually worked. I went there with Maila for our fifth anniversary, and it was amazing but unbelievably expensive."

That didn't sound much like McGarrett, who would've probably just left the office in the middle of the confrontation and be done with it, so he attributed it to the NCIS boss. What was his name anyway? He remembered that first time Kalala had joined them for lunch about a month ago and the things she had said about the guy. He couldn't recall her specifically mentioning that Steve was friends with him but it wasn't all that surprising either. "Heard he was some honorable SEAL member?"

  
"Oh yeah, he is. All the SEALs who normally hate dealing with civilians or agencies that ask one too many questions for their taste tend to like him. In the beginning I wasn't sure how that came to be but after working with him for a bit, it's pretty clear why." He looked at the kids again, who were decorating their fortress with some shells and continued when Lou urged him to.   
  
"He and the Commander are very popular on base, and they basically hold almost all shooting records between them. My guy Akoni holds some, another team member of mine, but yeah. I would tell you to never get on his bad side if possible, but you deal with the Commander on a daily basis, so I think you'll be fine."

Lou considered that. It wasn't surprising to hear that his boss spends his free time defending his shooting scores at the Pearl Harbour Base. This was one of those things he'd rather not tell Williams about. At least, he thought, he had gained another friend.

\---

As it turned out, Chance was a great guy to be friends with, and Renee and Maila, his wife, got along as well. He even got introduced to some other Chicagoans. 

Still, the best thing was Williams' face when they ended up working a joined case with the NCIS team. Chin got to kiss Kalala on the cheek, Kono gave Akoni, who was indeed a huge guy, some kind of Bro Fist or whatever, Lou gave Chance a heartfelt hug, and Steve and an attractive looking guy in a suit of all things gave each other some type of secret handshake while grinning like maniacs.

  
Williams had no one to do any kind of gesture with and he seemed very put out by it all, "What the hell is going on? Why do you all know each other? Why are you guys all performing some secret ritual with each other?"

  
Chin, who had put an arm around Kalala, tried not to laugh, "Danny, I was giving my girlfriend a kiss, how's that a secret ritual, brah?"

  
Danny pointed a finger at him, but seemingly wasn't able to find a decent counterargument, so he moved on to the next pair, which consisted of Kono, fragile yet strong woman that she was and Akoni who Lou only knew from some stories. He had quite the history and the HPD didn't trust him at all. 

Chance had told him that he didn't know why exactly that was, but he trusted his boss's judgment on the matter and that Akoni was a great if not rather quiet team member. He was a 6'4" kinda guy, probably weighing around 220 pounds, all muscles, and all Hawaiian.

  
Kono just smiled, and they did yet another Fist Bump, "Akoni is my Ukulele brah."

  
Williams, it seemed, wasn't able to comprehend that (Lou wasn't either if he was honest with himself) and just decided to move on.

  
Lou gave up the tidbit of them both being from Chicago after Williams pointed at him. It made the detective groan and move on to McGarrett, who was still standing there with the good-looking suit guy. He had to be the boss, even though Lou couldn't really believe that. With all the stories he had heard, he hadn't known what to expect to begin with anyway, but some attractive white guy hadn't been it.

  
The guy smiled (damn) and extended his hand to Williams, "Special Agent in Charge Anthony DiNozzo, NCIS. These are Special Agents Akoni Akau, Kalala Mei Mele, and Chance Boyd. This is your case, with us joining, so it's your lead, Commander." He winked.

  
The wink made Williams produce a sound like he wanted to strangle something, but it made McGarrett wink back, which well. He was very professional when he introduced the team, though, and was even kind enough not to mention that there was probably no need. They all, excluding Danny, knew each other one way or the other. 

"Listen up, as much as NCIS is joining us, I want all of you to listen to DiNozzo's command as if it were my own. We're both leading here, understood? I want Chin and Lou here, Kono, you will be in contact with the HPD, and Danny will go to the marine's house."

  
He looked at DiNozzo, who seemed to understand a mere millisecond later. "Kalala, you go with Williams. Chance, you'll check the facts we have as of right now in accordance with what Kalakaua gets told by the HPD, but be aware, I do not trust their assessment of the crime scene. Listen, you four, I want you all to check fact each other's statements and evidence every step of the way. Any questions?"

  
"Boss?" enquired Akoni, probably because he hadn't been assigned yet. He promptly got the answer: "You are staying here."

Lou couldn't help but notice how the NCIS boss had managed to break up every single pairing but himself and McGarrett. He wasn't sure if that was intentional, but he wouldn't put it past the guy who was more professional than Lou had initially thought. As soon as the four had left, DiNozzo looked at McGarrett, somewhat puzzled, "Why did you throw Danny into the mix?"

"I want to see what conclusions he comes to, the marine's also originally from New Jersey."

  
DiNozzo understood that statement without the need for any kind of clarification, which Lou found weird because he downright didn't understand it at all, "I thought we were investigating the murder of a marine?" Because a dead marine wouldn't care where their detective came from, just a living one.

  
"Alright, so," started DiNozzo in a tone that suggested they buckle up because they were about to get a story.

  
"This morning I got a call from the HPD that Angus Miller, a Lance Corporal, has been found dead in his house. Some minutes later, Steve called me, telling me that the Governor told him to investigate a possible kidnapping of the family of the Lance Corporal. When asking why this wasn't NCIS's case, he said that we were neck-deep in another case. This wasn't true, and apparently the Governor had gotten his information from the HPD. I don't know why they supplied that kind of information, they don't know what kind of cases we have."

  
There was silence in the room. "That's... a lot," Lou ended up saying. Why hadn't they said that before sending the others to investigate? Akoni seemed to have the same problem and voiced it.

  
"It's because I called the NCIS director, and he supplied me with the information that Miller is alive and well."

  
"So... the Lance Corporal is neither dead nor was his family kidnapped? What are we investigating then?" Chin looked confused, hovering over his monitor but unsure what to type.

  
Steve sighed and crossed his arms, "The HPD tricked themselves this time. Someone from there reported that Miller has been found dead. Someone else reported that the family has possibly been kidnapped. Technically, both of these things could have happened. However, Tony and I actually spend this morning with making sure that Miller and his family are well and secure." He pulled out his phone and showed them a picture of Miller, presumably his wife and three kids. 

  
"I'm to assume you didn't leave them with the HPD?" Chin asked, his history with them known to the whole room.  
  
It was alarming how many enemies the Hawaiian Police Department seemed to have. They weren't actually supposed to be some nefarious organization but rather a department that should protect their citizens. There were many corrupt cops out there but the whole department seemed to grossly violate certain guidelines if it so pleased them. It was beyond worrying. 

  
DiNozzo snorted, "God no, we left them with some no-nonsense friends of ours, don't you worry."

  
Lou couldn't help but notice the use of 'ours' like Renee sometimes did when she talked to someone else about friends both Lou and her had in common. Like a couple. Steve and DiNozzo must go way back then.

Chin spoke up again, obviously still confused and still not typing anything into that computer of his, "You just said Danny should talk to the marine, but the marine isn't in his house, where Kalala and Danny are headed."

  
Steve answered this time, and Lou was slowly starting to wonder when the hell they had managed to come up with this plan. DiNozzo had come in with his team and Steve had already been here when Lou had arrived. It was worth noting that it was just 9:30AM. AM like In The Morning. Lou shuddered to think about when they had gotten up that day.

The SEAL-Brothers (or whatever they were, honestly) continued to answer their questions and it took the rest of them way too long to actually understand the plan, but once they got it, it admittedly was a pretty good plan.

Fast forward five hours later when it ended, like most things, in some empty warehouse. Akoni and Chin were handcuffed together, as well as shackled. Akoni looked like he was about to commit murder (he was probably still contemplating whether it would be McGarrett's or DiNozzo's). Lou and Kono were also bound to some chairs, all four of them for being traitors to the HPD, just Akoni and Chin to a higher degree, thus the shackles. 

They all had the privilege to watch DiNozzo play some incompetent fool while the HPD guy spilled his whole life story. Lou was about to ask when it was going to end when yet another HPD guy (because yes, they had two traitors this time) came in. He straight up held a knife to DiNozzo's throat, who flinched momentarily, "Don't you see he's playing us!"

  
He jabbed the knife even closer to important parts of the body that shouldn't be cut into and apparently saw something he liked, "Oh, look! You weren't intimidating him enough, now he's actually scared. See, this is why all you agents are useless." Funnily enough, he continued talking, just like the other one.

  
DiNozzo continued to passively interrogate them for the next ten minutes, completely in control even though the two idiots hadn't and most likely wouldn't realize it. He could feel that Kono was getting more anxious by the moment, so she probably hadn't realized it either. 

  
One eternity later, it seemed that DiNozzo had finally decided that the two had spilled enough secrets. He signaled this by somehow doing a front flip with his chair that crashed directly onto the guy standing in front of him. (Lou was pretty sure he had stolen that from a movie.) 

  
The guy went down with a scream just as the other one was in the process of drawing his gun. DiNozzo proceeded to stab him somewhere in the lower abdomen before the (rather incompetent) guy managed to pull anything. Said guy instead started to scream in agony, "You bastard!"

  
At that point the first one was about to get up again and hit DiNozzo on the head, which never happened because McGarrett grabbed him and let Williams cuff him. The two had been monitoring the whole interaction from outside, getting the HPD's blabbering on tape for evidence.

Their bosses' plan had worked out perfectly and Lou had to grudgingly admit that they did know what they were doing. He had originally been planning on smacking them both upside the head, but in the end it looked like that wouldn't be necessary after all.   
Lou relaxed. Even if it had seemed like DiNozzo had had it under control, it didn't mean that something couldn't have gone horribly wrong anyway. It almost always did.

While Kalala helped Akoni and Chin out of their restraints, Lou had the opportunity to see Steve McGarrett actually worrying about someone. He was looking DiNozzo over and asked something that made the NCIS boss roll his eyes. Then Steve actually hugged him, whispering something into his ear, which made the other one wink in return.

Kono was watching the scene too, and while Lou considered their odd friendship, Kono seemed to have had some kind of epiphany, her eyes getting abnormally big.

\---

They, of course, needed to celebrate this successful collaboration between NCIS and the Five-O team as well as another victory over the HPD. DiNozzo had been forced to offer up his space because apparently he had enough of it. With it being very windy that evening, they didn't want to risk it with someone's backyard.   
  
When he got there, he understood why the NCIS team had insisted. The house was beautiful, and when McGarrett opened the door, he laughed. "Danny, Chance and you on time. You all are still not adjusted to island time."

  
"You're here too!" could be heard from within the house, definitely Williams.

When Lou entered the house, he was almost overwhelmed by white and beige. Everything almost seemed sterile but at the same time homey with all the plants and picture frames added. DiNozzo also had books stocked everywhere as well as little statues of things like the Eiffel Tower, maybe souvenirs from all the places he had been, which Lou imagined where a lot.

  
Lou looked a bit closer at the pictures (that were all black and white for some reason), and most of them were portraits of people or their situations but there was always a person in them. They never looked straight into the camera, making it look like the pictures weren't staged. 

  
One of a white man reminded Lou of DiNozzo, sitting at a bar in a nice suit surrounded by beautiful women that he paid no mind to. Instead, he seemed to be looking into the distance, and as far as Lou could tell tracked some movement somewhere off-camera. He looked like a predator but battered and broken in the same breath. It was a beautiful picture. Was DiNozzo a photographer?

  
There was one of a guy who looked uncannily like LL Cool J but without the hat, some more muscles and a weapon that looked rather illegal to Lou. He was grinning like a maniac like he had seen McGarrett do when they had some really gruesome mission where ordinary people would run in the opposite direction. Maybe it was a SEAL friend of DiNozzo?

  
The pictures were intriguing, so Lou kept looking. He noticed one of a goth and right next to it one of an older man with steel visible in his eyes. Even if the picture had been taken from an unusual angle, the guy still somehow looked grumpy. 

  
There was another one of an older man dressed in a meticulous suit taking a puff from his cigar, somehow exuding authority even in a picture. Upon closer inspection, the guy kind of looked like the alleged Mafia Boss of Philadelphia—

"You really shouldn't look at that picture too closely, Lou." That was Steve, who Lou hadn't even realized was standing there, "Tiramisù for dessert sound good?" Lou nodded and followed the advice to turn away from the pictures, mainly for his own peace of mind.

The others had gotten there in the meantime. Chin whistled while looking around and Kono asked, "What do I need to do to be able to own this kind of house?"

  
"Quite some things you'd rather not do, I assure you," DiNozzo said in place of a greeting and added while looking at Danny and Lou as well, "And it's Tony, by the way. We're all off duty."

  
"Where's my favorite member of this household?" asked Kalala, looking around the corners. She had her hands around Chin's waist, both of them looking more relaxed than Lou had ever seen before. He was glad that they were still going strong.

  
"Hiding because there are way too many people in her territory." Tony was about to leave when he seemed to remember one more thing, "Oh, and if anyone so much as steps near my Grand Piano, I'm going to physically harm you to a degree you haven't experienced yet."

"Damn, and I was just inquiring after the cat."

They got the evening going after that. It wasn't a party as much as it was a get-together, but that was precisely what they all needed; the opportunity to get to know each other outside of work with laughter and beer. Though Lou couldn't help but notice that DiNozzo hadn't touched anything containing alcohol the whole night and McGarrett who sat next to him didn't seem to try to change that. 

  
Tony went back into the kitchen to get the dessert, then shouted into the living room, "Tesoro, dove hai messo il coltello buono?" 

  
"Al suo posto!" Steve shouted back, getting the middle finger for whatever reason. 

Danny blinked. "So that's where the Italian comes from."

When Tony came back with the tiramisù, every thought stopped for a second, the desert was just that good. "You know this takes six hours to make, so you contadini better appreciate it."

  
Danny pointed his spoon at Tony, "I won't feel insulted if I can't understand you."

  
"It means peasant, Danny," said Steve, having already finished his dessert.

  
Danny made some kind of offended noise but Kono interrupted his sure-to-be rant, "So, I've had this theory for a while now, and today it pretty much got confirmed." 

  
"Concerning?" but Steve saw something in Kono's eyes that made him momentarily widen his own and mumble something in mandarin. Tony also said something in mandarin after a brief pause and nodded towards Steve, who in turn gave Kono permission to go on.

"See, _this_ is scary-"

"Danny, shut up, this is important." More offended noises in the background, which Kono just ignored. She was in her element. "Basically, I've put together some evidence over the years that Steve isn't straight. Lack of girlfriends, lack of paying attention to any kind of woman who wants his attention and so on. Do you confirm or deny this?"

  
Steve took a sip of his beer, all eyes being on him. "I'm not straight," he confirmed, just like that. Lou thought that over for a second. He hadn't actually considered that before but it made some sense when he thought about it.  
Steve was part of the Navy and they had just recently abandoned the Don't Ask Don't Tell policy but there were surely still some people out there who weren't accepting at all. Being anything but straight in the military surely wasn't exactly a declaration one would shout from a public building, to say the very least.

  
Kono had obviously expected more resistance and so she momentarily seemed to forget what she had been planning on saying next, "Alright, so uh... is it alright if I do this in front of all these people? Or would you prefer this in private?"

  
Steve shrugged and Tony looked like he was about to laugh, "Kono, you're in the middle of it, you can't just stop now." Steve was still entirely relaxed, smirking at Tony instructing his team rookie in the middle of her own questioning.  
Lou had caught on pretty quickly that Tony DiNozzo was a leader through and through but also a pretty good teacher who was way more patient than one Steve McGarrett could ever hope to be.

"Alright, so, are you in a relationship?" 

"He obviously isn't!" Danny said indignantly, still scraping out his bowl of tiramisu, "Kono, we've known him for three years, I think we would've figured that out at some point." 

  
"I actually figured this out in 2011, Danny." That was Chin. "Kono, Kamekona, Max and I have this bet going ever since and whoever figures gender and person out will get the money. My bet is on a male, since 2012, but Kono said she figured out who it is. So, this is important. Maybe I'm about to lose 100 bucks."

  
"What did Kamekona and Max say?" asked Steve, looking entirely too amused by all of this. Danny still seemed unable to cope with the current conversation as a whole. Chance and Akoni looked like they tried to disappear. Lou could sympathize.

  
Kono grinned. "Kamekona said you must be dating some beautiful lady. But you're keeping it hidden because she's yakuza."

"Why would I-" 

"There's been rumors. That's all I know, don't question Kamekona." Word.

"What about Max? Did he psycho-analyze some of Steve's DNA?" That was Danny, who looked entirely put out by the whole bet thing. Lou was just an interested observer in this whole scenario, Kalala seemed quite cheerful as well. Frankly, it was hilarious. People would pay money to see this. 

  
"Max thinks Steve is married to a woman because apparently he once overheard Steve talking like a husband who tried to calm their wife down because he had cleaned the cutlery wrong or something. No one exactly believed him."

  
Tony started laughing, almost wheezing, "Oh my god!" 

  
"So," Kono smirked like an evil villainess. "Did he really clean the cutlery wrong, Tony? You as his boyfriend should know about that, right?"

Hell broke loose, "What?!" "Boss??" "No way." "Give me my money, Kono."

  
"He cleaned my knives wrong, so I screamed at him for half an hour," Tony said meanwhile, looking satisfied and leaning on Steve, who grinned as well and put an arm around him, pulling him closer in the process. Chin proceeded to groan.

Looking at them, it made sense. Lou was annoyed that he hadn't put two and two together, questioning if he shouldn't proceed to scream at himself for half an hour. 

  
"No!" Danny yelled, obviously not seeing it right away. "You must be joking! I would've known." He threw his spoon at Steve, who somehow managed to catch it and got up, looking between his best friend and his apparent boyfriend as though they were part of a murder investigation.

  
Lou snorted. As much as he would like to not get dragged into this mess, Kono and Chin were busy exchanging money. Meanwhile, Tony's team seemed to look at their boss with renewed interest or straight out gawking, in Chance's case. Poor guy.

  
Lou knew that he had to ask the sense-making questions here because no one else would, especially in regard to Danny. The detective still stared at his best friend as though he had grown not just a second but a third head.   
  
"But Tony has only been Special Agent in Pearl Harbour for a few months, right?" Which didn't mean that he hadn't worked in Hawaii before that but Lou doubted it. Neither his accent (New Yorkish, Lou would say) nor his sense of style (upper-class Federal Agent somewhere, probably East coast or around New York as well. Who the hell wore suits on a tropical island?) made it seem like Tony was from around here. 

  
Chin started listening attentively all of a sudden, "That's true." He eyed Kono for a second. "How does this bet work if he isn't dating the same person as he was in 2011?"

  
Kono shrugged, not ready to give up her money either way and Tony finally put them out of their misery. 

  
"I took the job because Steve is here. Well, and because SECNAV begged me to." He rolled his eyes.

  
"So," Chin asked. "Since when?"

  
Steve sighed, "I really don't want to break Danny." He side-eyed his friend, who had stolen his spoon back and had started to mumble to it.

  
Kono mustered the detective for a moment before shrugging, "I think you've done that already. There's no going back now."

  
Their fearless leader looked like he was about to bolt but Tony petted his head and assured him that he was going to save him from Danny's inevitable wrath.   
"Alright," sighed Steve, and it suddenly got very quiet.

"Tony and I have been dating for almost seven years now."

Needless to say, all hell broke loose (even more than before). The only ones laughing were Kono, already thinking about what to buy from her betting money and Tony, who didn't help Steve fight of Danny's wrath at all, even though he had promised moments earlier. Seeing his scary SEAL boyfriend repeatedly assaulted with a spoon was way funnier. 

Lou, on his part, couldn't complain at all. These people were weird, yes, but without them life would be beyond boring. Not that he would ever, ever admit that to anyone. 

**Author's Note:**

> Italian translations  
> "E' così bello vederti, Steven!" - "It's so good to see you, Steven!"  
> "Anche per me è un piacere vederti. Come sta la famiglia?" - "It's good to see you too. How's the family?"  
> "Ci conosci, stiamo sempre bene." - "You know us, we're always alright."  
> "Ciò che è piu importante, come và tra te e Tony? E' riuscito a fare le lasagne?" - "What's way more interesting is how you and Tony are doing? Did he manage the lasagne?"  
> "Sì, Tony ha fatto un buon lavoro con le lasagne. O comunque, così penso io." - "Yes, Tony did a good job with the lasagne. At least I thought so."  
> "Tu mageresti qualsiasi cosa, caro. Non prova che sia buon cibo." - "You eat everything, lover boy. It's no sign of good food."  
> \-------------------------------  
> "Tesoro, dove hai messo il coltello buono?" - "Darling, where's the good knife?"  
> "Al suo posto!" - "Right where it belongs!"
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! This is the first work I've ever published on Ao3, as well as the first one in English. English isn't my first language, and all mistakes are my own. (And I love commas very much, sorry.) Feedback would be very much appreciated, and if you just want to chat, my Instagram is @drippinlou.  
> Have a nice day and stay safe,  
> Lou x


End file.
